OK, this was incredibly difficult because all the entries were good and very funny. But since I get to be totally subjective and pick the ones I liked the very best, these are they. If you won, even if you sent me your address, please write again and tell me to whom you want the book inscribed (just in case it’s not you.) Also, I’m kind of a dip where geography is concerned, so if you’re not in the US, I may not have figured out which country your address is in, so please let me know and goodies will be on their way.
So, in no particular order, here are the winning entries:
Mr. Orange Monkey and Rik Sheppard said…
Werewolves are better than owls….
- No-one ever looked at a werewolf and thought “I could play that creature like an accordion”
- Werewolves don’t need special societies to protect them
- Owls can’t tell you what phase the moon is in
- You can have a rational conversation with a werewolf most of the month
- Werewolves seldom fly into power lines
- Werewolves never rotate their heads through 360 degrees
- Werewolves never steal your silver trinkets
- No-one would pay money to see ‘An American Owl in London’
- Owls never help with the washing up
- Werewolves help you meet the neighbours, especially the ones with pitchforks and flaming torches
Rayana K. Hart said…
Ten Reasons Werewolves are Better Than Men
10) They can smell when you’re upset.
9) They imprint their mate by scent, so you always feel beautiful.
7) Their thick fur keeps you warm on the cold winter nights.
6) Sometimes you just need something big, warm, and furry to hug.
5) Attackers would think twice about messing with a giant wolf.
4) Werewolves mate for life, so you never have to worry about him cheating on you.
2) Your kids would be the cutest puppies.
And the number one reason:
1) Be honest. It’s all about the wolf!sex.
Zita Hildebrandt said…
- Werewolves are better than humans because there is no such thing as male pattern baldness (or female, for that matter)
- Werewolves are better than vampires because they don’t drain all the blood from you faster than you can say “Dracula”
- Werewolves are better than merfolk because they don’t leave water marks wherever they go
- Werewolves are better than zombies because their parts don’t fall off
- Werewolves are better than werecats because they don’t cough up fur balls
- Werewolves are better than mummies because they don’t insist on cursing you every time you wake them up
- Werewolves are better than Frankenstein’s monster because their brains are not “Abby Normal”
- Werewolves are better than aliens because they don’t get into the whole “probe” thing
- Werewolves are better than dragons because they aren’t sticklers for virginity
- Werewolves are better than demons because they don’t expect you to hand over your soul for every little thing
I wish I had more books and baubles for you guys, since all the entries were funny, so here are a few more entries, just to make you laugh.
If you want to submit your own list in the comments, please do!
Ten Reasons Werewolves are Better Than…Autopsy Archiving (my job)
10. Werewolves are soft. Ten to Twenty year-old file folders are dry.
9. Werewolves can smile. Dead people can’t.
8. Being a werewolf is slightly more worthy of bragging rights than autopsy filing (although some authors are oddly transfixed by my stories)
7. While dead people find creative ways to die (convict bludgeoned to death by vacuum cleaner, chocking on a sandwich, house exploding), death by werewolf would take the cake.
6. Werewolves don’t require you to wake up at 6 am to get to work at 8:30. I’d prefer the monthly all-nighter to that.
5. Werewolves have that hypermetabolism that would take care of all calories (plus a few steaks) I’d consumed during the day. Autopsy archiving is just sitting and watching calories because they will allllllll go to your ass.
4. Werewolves don’t seem to sweat. Lugging around those dry folders, non-sweating would be an asset.
3. Werewolves would be able to get ahead in the line for mochas. No one would cut off a werewolf *growls and mutters* Stupid people…
2. Werewolves don’t get dry-eye from the little dry paper fragments and dust floating around the room. That SUCKS.
1. Werewolf bites and claws seem to be a more reasonable way to get an injury than paper cuts and carpal tunnel.
10 Reasons Werewolves Are Better Than Vampires
1) Real men (monsters) have hair.
2) Werewolves have a heartbeat. Kind of hard to beat that one, I think.
3) Werewolves aren’t *nearly* as angsty and emo.
4) Can vampires get a suntan? No, I didn’t think so.
5) Puppies are way cuter than demon spawn (werepups vs dhampirs).
6) All the super strength, none of the reliance on blood.
7) Werewolves aren’t metrosexual.
8) Werewolves are religiously tolerant (think crosses, etc).
9) Werewolves “get” that once a month thing.
10) Werewolves don’t play with their food! (much)
Werewolves are Better Than Real Wolves:
10) They offer a life-time guarantee for a howling good time.
9) You get a PETA-friendly fur coat.
8) They only go hunting once a month.
7) If you change your hair, they don’t care – they change theirs all the time.
6) You don’t mind being on the receiving end of one of THEIR wolf whistles.
5) Once they’ve shed, you don’t really care about the hair all over the furniture.
4) Sometimes they do come in from the cold.
3) A flea collar never came with so many interesting possibilities.
2) After sharing a rare steak, they’re always up for dessert
1) They don’t always travel in packs, so getting one alone can be, oh, so delightful.
Werewolves Are Better Than Human Roomates
10. Not picky eaters.
9. They understand ‘boundries’.
8. Can have a ‘pet’ even in no pet allowed areas.
7. Interesting things happen when people mutter “bite me” sarcastially.
5. Never worry about a mugger/theif again.
4. Never pay for security.
3. Don’t have to worry about not being able to open that stupid pickle jar.
2. Don’t worry about not knowing what to get them for christmas, a quick trip to Petsmart solves all.
1. Finally a man who understands about ‘that time of the month’.